As a mother, it's always refreshing to know that if your kids act up in public or with an audience around, everyone knows how best you should discipline your child. It's one of those unwanted advice tips you get, no matter how hard you try to reassure them that you are more than capable of disciplining your own children.
And, of course, each child is different in the tactics that work as well. This is the same for C-Man and Mar-Mar. My techniques for disciplining C-Man most certainly do not work for Mar-Mar and vice verse. And, despite these other well versed parents heart felt attempts at telling you what worked for them, one thing they neglect to remember is the effectiveness it had on each child.
I won't even get into the spanking debate. That one, these days, is just not a tactic that works in our family, and not a subject that I am willing to delve into.
But, a classic is time-out. This seems to work for many. The trick is consistency. The trick to any tactic is consistency. The rule of thumb is to continuously place a child who is learning their boundaries in time out until their time essentially runs out for the infraction. Suggestions start off at 1 minute per age.
I won't lie, this is an effective method for many children. C-Man and Mar-Mar, not so much. This becomes a game. We've tried the time out routine with both of them consistently for several months to no avail. Both of them treat it like a game of musical chairs.
So, I move on to other tactics. Loosing privileges. This mostly works with older children, as toddlers and preschoolers don't quite grasp this tactic. So, back to the drawing board.
Distraction. Haha, not with my kids. Once C-Man and Mar-Mar notice you trying to covertly "distract" them from the infraction with another suitable activity, all of a sudden this infraction becomes the most prized activity of the day. They MUST do it at all times. My kids are not easily distracted. But, like time out, this can be a very effective method.
With C-Man, we even tried reward sheets. Giving him a sticker every time he performed a task such as listening, picking up his toys, etc. This, for a 3 year old at the time, was ideal for the first week. Now, not so much. The idea of the reward sheet is to invoke a good behavior in your children in exchange for a reward at a later date. Like loosing privileges, this is best saved for older children. Once the novelty of getting a prize at a later date wears off, the concept is also lost on the preschooler.
To date, Mar-Mar is still working on her tactics as she is continuing to mold herself.
But, we have success with C-Man. Toys!! C-Man loves his toys. Especially his Star Wars toys. Infractions have led me and Pac-Man to resort to packing away favorite toys until a day or two later for infractions.
This tactic works for C-Man. He misbehaves, he loses a favorite toy for the day. It's taken and put up out of sight, out of reach. He can acquire the toy once again by stopping the behavior for the remainder of the day. If he does so, he procures the lost toy in the morning of the next day. If he doesn't, he continues to lose favorite toys.
It has proven a very effective method for us.
But, as with anything that revolves around parenting a child, soon the day will come when I have to revise my discipline tactics. Gone will be the day that losing his prized possessions will induce a wanted behavior.
Maybe that's what well-meaning advice givers forget about parenting. It's an ever changing scenario. With the passing of time, what worked yesterday no longer works today. We forget that being a parent means that we need to change as often as our children do.
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